Egypt, outside of Cairo
The obvious reason that traveling with another person causes you to get to know them is the vast amount of time you’ll end up spending together. This is doubly true if the trip involves lots of travel time (by car, train, plane, bus) during which there aren’t many distractions and you don’t have much to do besides be together. You’ll probably end up talking a fair amount. You’ll see this person at all times of day and in many different moods (excited, tired, cranky, hungry, interested, relaxed, etc.). It’s harder to hold onto a public persona under these circumstances; the mask tends to slip.
You’ll discover, if you don’t know already, how they interact with the world around them. How do they respond to trying something new? What about something new that they’re trying just because you want to? What activities do they end up actually advocating for or spending time on? Which ones can they obviously not stand? How much downtime or quiet time do they need? How do they react to crowds? Discomfort? Fatigue? How engaged are they in what they’re doing?
Traveling also requires many decisions, and watching what someone decides, how they decide it, and how they try to communicate with you can also be very revealing. When and what are you going to eat? How are you going to find a restaurant? On what activities will you spend your time? What souvenirs do you buy? Even the timing of when you go to bed and when you get up in the morning can be a point of contention.
Iguazu Falls, Brazil
And then there’s that inevitable moment when things go wrong. And make no mistake about it, things almost always go wrong at least once during a trip. Often a lot more. These moments are among the most revealing of character and personality: how he deals with stress, what kind of fiber she’s made of, how resilient he may or may not be, how creative she is when thinking of solutions. And these are also the moments that can make or break a relationship, either throwing the two of you into conflict or bringing you closer together.
Of course, even if we can’t travel with a certain person, we can learn a bit just by spending some time asking them about their trip. What do they tend to talk about: the logistics? the food? the physical activities they did? the beautiful painting they saw? the people they met? Do they turn their trip into some kind of narrative through which they find insight or meaning? Do they dwell on what went wrong (the weather, bad food, lost luggage, etc.) or what went right (or maybe a bit of both)?
Traveling with someone is challenging, so don’t do it to keep the peace and maintain the status quo. I’ve heard stories of friendships ending during trips because they aren’t strong enough to bear up under the additional stress. But if the end goal is not to keep a friendship going at all costs but rather to know a person more deeply, then travel might give the insight we seek. We might not like everything we discover, but sometimes we’ll also find that we love that person anyway.
Your turn: Where would you like to visit? What aspects of a trip do you tend to talk about once it’s over?
The Practical Free Spirit 
I’m glad that traveling with you guys turned out so well! 😀
I know, what a great trip! 🙂
Very good points.
I’d also add that a great way to get to know someone is go canoeing with them, especially on a narrow windy river. If you can successfully do so and not want to strangle them afterwards, the two of you can probably get along through just about anything.
I like to talk about all the cool stuff I saw on the trip and what I learned. After my recent trip to DragonCon, I tended to talk about the best panels and the experiences of being in Georgia for the first time (other than the I-95 corridor).
Places I’d like to go? Wow, long list. I have really do have an actual list made and typed up. Off the top of my head: outside the US = England, Italy, and maybe Germany. In the US = Savannah GA, bunch of historical stuff in Virginia, Shenandoah National Park, Hawaii, Seattle, Panama City (for the oldest miniature golf course – not for the spring break stuff), Pro Football Hall Of Fame, Mall Of America, Grand Canyon, Smithsonian (went once in high school but would like to go back older, wiser, and with more time).
Love your list! My list includes: Alaska, Galagapos Islands, Peru, Maine, Harry Potter Land, west coast of Ireland, China, Morocco, Australia….
I love it when people talk about what they learned and what was different than they expected.
Also, DragonCon! Neat! I should add that to my list above. 🙂
Hi, Amy! I’ve become a big weenie about travel, because of some health problems, but I still dream of going on some big trips. I’d like to see France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Greece, maybe Egypt, China, India, New England, Great Britain, jeez, I’m running out of space, lol.
I guess I talk about the right and wrong stuff in about equal measure, because I find the things that go wrong to be interesting. Like the time my dh left his glasses and our camera on the top of the car in Germany. We drove off, and guess what happened to the stuff on top? We had to go to a one-hour glasses shop and order new glasses. Which was interesting primarily because we were in Germany, not at home in the U.S. Luckily neither of us have been injured or have gotten seriously ill while on vacation.
Hello! I think you’re right that sometimes the bad stuff makes for the best stories, maybe because then there is inherent conflict in there. Sometimes I can even sense when it’s happening–oh, this is one of those times that is really going to suck but afterwards it will be really funny. That kind of thing.
I love your dream travel list. Makes me want to get on a plane right now!
Hi Amy, nice blog. My wife and I recently celebrated our 20th anniversary and some of our favorite times together have taken place on vacations — we love places of natural beauty. But it is the quirky, funny stuff that happens on trips that we remember best. Laughter is good medicine.
There is a hotel in Wales called Portmerion that I have wanted to visit for 30+ years; it is the village where they filmed ‘The Prisoner’.
http://www.portmeirion-village.com/
I would like to invest a month in circumnavigating the Colorado Plateau. http://cpluhna.nau.edu/Places/places.htm
But our next trip will probably be to go to Vancouver Island. I would like to fly into San Francisco and drive up the coast to Victoria, stay at the The Fairmont Empress Hotel, and have lots of day trips.
Click to access island.pdf
Cheers,
John
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