I’m thinking about this right now because it turns out I’ve been fighting off a bacterial infection in my tooth for the past two and a half months. Fighting and losing, I might add. In spite of this, January was one of my more productive months in recent memory. In addition to writing ten essays for this website, I completed almost a third of my new novel-in-progress and wrote two new short stories. At the same time, I was thinking, “This is great, I’m so excited by what I’m doing, but why can’t I do more? Why am I so tired?” Only now do I have the understanding as to why these accomplishments exhausted me quite as much as they did.
So now it’s time for me to focus on taking care of myself, which is requiring a little bit of juggling over in Priority Central. The problem is, I believe that taking care of myself is a high priority, but sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle of other, flashier, more exciting priorities. When confronted with the choice between starting a new project and sitting around resting, I’d rather start the project. Plus I have this built-in Protestant work ethic that starts screaming at the slightest sign of the dread vice Sloth. And we won’t go into a certain pervasive stubborn streak in my nature.
Which is why I’m only stopped in my tracks now, when my tooth aches to the point where I might not mind ripping it out with my own fingers. I can’t keep working at my normal pace because I am physically incapacitated enough that I cannot concentrate. Here it is: I’ve reached my limit.
This week I’m forcing myself to take it easy. I don’t have specific word count goals or project goals. I’m trying to suppress my frustration at being delayed on all of this work that I’m so excited about doing. After all, I’m pretty lucky to be so enthusiastic about my work in the first place, and the excitement will keep. (Hear that, excitement? You are so going to stick around.) I’m going to watch some cheesy movies and TV shows, and I’m going to sleep as much as possible around my schedule of medicines. And I’m going in for more dental work, which is why I’m going to need all this recovery time in the first place.
This is life. I want it to be smooth, but it’s not. It’s bumpy, and it gets in the way of itself all the time. I don’t even get to bank up this being-good-to-myself time because I might need more of it later, depending on what this tooth has to say for itself. I want to stay up late every night and drink every minute in and live my dreams right this second, all the time. I want to be larger than life, but I’m not, at least not as often as I’d like. Sometimes I can’t do much of anything but sit here and wait to feel better and let numerous more knowledgeable people poke at my tooth. That is a limit, yes indeed.
But better to pack as much as possible within those pesky limits than miss out on being alive at all.
Anyone else run into an inconvenient limit lately? Feel free to commiserate below.
The Practical Free Spirit 
Yeah, I can relate. And ugh — tooth problems! What a way to experience overdoing it. That’s awful! You poor thing.
I’ve always had kind of shaky health, but over the years I learned my limits and adapted. Recently, in an attempt to increase productivity, we moved to a nice, little apartment in a great neighborhood. I don’t have to cook or clean any more, and everything is convenient and walkable. Should be a huge help, right?
Not so much, at least not right away. I started to use my newfound free time to do just a little more stuff… and I kept feeling run down. More and more run down. Nothing big enough to be properly *sick*, just sore throat, tired, achey blahs.
Eventually I figured out that I needed to take a whole day now and then to sit in a comfy chair with my feet up, read and drink tea and do nothing. And, having discovered this easy fix, I of course got all excited about feeling better, threw moderation to the wind, worked a bunch, and came down with viral meningitis. :p Woops.
I do seem to be adapting to the new locale, and the meningitis appears to have kicked my immune system into realizing it still has a job to do. So here’s hoping we both feel all better soon, and can get back up to speed.
Yes, here’s to feeling better at the soonest possible moment! Man, viral meningitis is especially nasty. Hope you kick its ass to the curb in short order.
Life is such a balancing act, isn’t it? And there are so many factors to take into account in the process. I’m going to be listening to a lecture series exploring the effects of stress on the body, and I’m looking forward to learning the why’s behind some of my limitations.
Sounds like you’ve got a solid plan in place. 🙂
For my part, I’m finding this hearing issue to be quite troubling. You’d think not being able to hear would make one less sensitive to sound, but in noisy environments I strain to hear what’s being said. The results are exhausting. Having to actively process words bogs down conversation, uses energy, and wrings me out with frustration and aggravation. I especially hate feeling like a burden to anyone.
I’m not sure I’ve got much of a plan here, other than get some hearing aids. Perhaps giving myself a break would help too. It’s not my fault, and people are generally supportive. A lot of the pressure to ‘hear better’ is self-generated. Acknowledging that intellectually and realizing that emotionally are two different things.
I need to work on my Vulcan and chill on it. Ironic since Vulcans have superior hearing… 😉
Oh, I agree with you, hearing problems make you more sensitive to noise, not less. I had some hearing problems in high school and they drove me crazy! Even now, if I can’t see someone’s face when they’re speaking in a noisy environment, I sometimes struggle. And yes, it’s exhausting. Also makes me more of a homebody, because I’d rather talk to my friends in the relative quiet of one of our homes than compete with a restaurant full of people.
There’s no getting around the inconvenience and frustration of it, though. I do sincerely doubt that others find you any kind of burden because of a hearing issue (or at least anyone you’d want to be spending time with).
Yup, migraines have been my ball and chain. Working on that…And I hope you feel much better soon. I bet as soon as you’re healthy again, you’ll have a huge rush of energy and productivity. 🙂
That is the plan! I’m trying to use this period of relative downtime to lay the groundwork, so to speak.
Hope the migraines improve. Personally, I find headaches even more debilitating than tooth pain.
Toothache can be nasty in the sense that it can cause secondary infections. *
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