My post about my friend who throws away books generated a fair bit of controversy a couple of weeks ago. I was really happy to hear from so many people who love books a lot, just as I do. But I was also a bit surprised by how upset some people were, to the point that one person even said that he couldn’t be friends with someone who threw books away.
I guess we all have our hot topic buttons, but I can’t imagine throwing Rahul under the bus because he has a different perception than me (and one he has thought about, to boot). Most of my friendships can survive more than one difference of opinion, particularly one that doesn’t affect me directly (regular and overt sexist behavior, for example, would be another kettle of fish).
Anyway, I’m talking about this because I’m going to share a profound Rahul Kanakia quotation from Facebook: “The only major decision that life offers is: Should I look for something better, even though it means endangering what I have?”
(I mean, seriously, how could I not be friends with someone who randomly posts status messages like that on Facebook?)
I’ve been trying to think of a major decision that doesn’t involve the choice of perhaps losing or changing what you already have, and I’m drawing a blank. Change involves endangering the status quo. Sometimes when we’re involved with change, we’re pretty sure we’re going to end up better off because of it; other times, we’re simply guessing. We don’t know, and that’s where some of the pain of change comes in: letting go of something to make room for something else that might not be any better (or, even worse, might be not as good).
Also, if looking for something better doesn’t endanger what you already have in any way, then it’s not a very hard decision.
I suppose there is sometimes a follow-up decision, which is this: you’ve already decided on the change, but you have to choose between several options. In this case, instead of endangering what you already have, you’re trying to make the optimal decision for yourself. We see this when high school seniors are deciding what college to attend, in multiple job offer situations, when going house shopping. The more options there are, the more decision paralysis sets in. But you’ve already made the initial decision to look for something different (by getting more education, purchasing a house, searching for a job, etc.).
Should I look for something better and accept the risk? It’s a question worth asking. Often the answer is no. The risk isn’t worth it. The hypothetical better isn’t worth it. But sometimes the answer is yes.
Good fiction asks this question a lot. Sure, sometimes the main character is railroaded by events, but the most interesting fiction gives the protagonist some agency. As readers we enjoy when the stakes are high and the protagonist has more to lose, because then this decision becomes really interesting.
Do I act, even though by acting I risk losing what I care about? Do I try, even though I could fail and never get back to where I am now? Do I change, even though the changes will have unforeseen consequences?
These questions, I think, are a deep part of what it is to be human.
The Practical Free Spirit 
Have to say its a fantastic question. The answer, as you know, can be yes or no. Either way things can go wrong or right, but the world is full of people who left something good looking for something better, “Don’t it always go to show, that you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone etc”
Mind you staying in some challenge free vacuum sounds equally horrific. I leave your post as muddled as when I arrived
Yup, it is a muddling question indeed, and I think one of the harder decisions to make.
Of course, the title is a bit disingenuous because there are other decisions to be made that I think matter a lot: for example, how we treat other people. But I don’t find that to be a difficult decision to make, but more of a difficult ideal to aspire to (and sometimes fail at). So it’s not really the same.
Right now I feel that I am in a crossroads in life with a relationship. Change is scary, sometimes I feel unknown brings so much uncertainty yet possible excitement. I have been in long term relationship for many years and truly love my boyfriend. And we’re at stepping stone of figuring out if we should take next step and get married. In some ways I would love to start family and life with him. In other aspects because we have been together so long I do not know if he is the one. We have some major issues such as different religion to compromise and find a middle ground. I do feel like my life would not be as happy without him in there. People say they are many kinds of love but when you find an anwesome man whom you connect with on such intimate, physical, emotional, intellectual level. Is there even chance that you will find this again in future? I haven’t done a lot of dating prior to our relationship so this is what creates my mind to ponder. I know that’s life right now is fulfilled and happy! But do people reach point where life becomes bliss and heavenly. I am just not so sure. If anyone has any feedback it would be appreciated.
I think both life in general and relationships in particular have their ups and downs over time.
I am not any kind of expert on relationships, so take this with a grain of salt, but I would say it might be helpful for you to make a list of the things you need and want in a relationship. If your current relationship is meeting the bulk of your needs, then that is a really good thing! As well, you’ll want to talk about both of your goals and dreams with each other, and make sure you can work out compromises when necessary (for example, if you have kids in the future together, what religion(s) are you going to raise them in?)
But ultimately there is no right answer, and you will make the best choice you’re capable of making. 🙂
Wow. I think you just cleared up a character plot point for the story I’m editing right now.
thanks! 🙂
Yes! So glad to hear it. Consider it a belated birthday present. 😉
Thank you for posting. People grow, change, and sometimes diverge from what held the friendship together, (Sad sometimes but always true)
Good luck with your resolution on this matter!
(I ❤ books too and so does my partner)
~Lexi
Thanks for the thoughtfull subjects