One of the traits I mentioned last week that is connected with resilience is perspective, and part of perspective is the ability to find or create meaning. In a conversation about resilience, that meaning is most often crafted around circumstances of difficulty, but really humans are looking everywhere for meaning all the time.
Photo by Patrick Hoesly
James Altucher gives a great example of this in his latest Q&A post, in which someone asks him whether their sadness will ever go away. James’s answer, especially the fourth point of it, is a textbook example of emotional resilience by creating meaning: “When I feel sad… the universe will grieve but then rejoice because it’s learning so much. Then I can rejoice because every pain, every sadness, every moment, is ME, the universe manifest, learning something new.” He believes that every moment of his life is a learning experience for the universe, and therefore his life is infused with meaning. And this helps him deal with feelings of sadness.
A few days after I read this Q&A, I read Karawynn Long’s latest post, “How American culture is causing widespread misery.” She talks about the correlation between a shift in American culture and increasing rates of depression, and offers some suggestions as to what we individually can do about this. It’s really fascinating, especially this part: “As our culture shifted to exalt the benefits of personal choice and individual success, Seligman explains, we were also losing confidence in the larger constructs of society. Previously, he says, Americans lived in “a context of meaning and hope.” When we encountered failure, we could take reassurance from something larger than ourselves: “a belief in the nation, in God, in one’s family, or in a purpose that transcends our lives.” But as Carter noted, in the middle of the twentieth century that reassurance began to disintegrate.”
So with an increasing distrust in government, along with declines in active religious faith and more closely knit (and often geographically close) families, Americans suffered from more depression. In other words, with loss of meaning came decreased emotional resilience.
Of course, we can, and do, find meaning elsewhere, whether or not we believe in God or our families or the government. Personally, I have found a great deal of meaning in teaching, particularly children and teens, and while I’m not teaching at present, I suspect I’ll do it again at some point in the future. I find meaning in my writing, both my fiction (fiction is inherently about creating meaning) and on this blog. I find meaning through the communities I am part of, in the relationships I have formed, and in self transformation. I find meaning through learning more about the world and universe around me, and through shifting perspectives to remember how small I really am, both in scales of size and time.
What we are fighting against is a sense of futility, the thought that nothing we do matters or makes a difference, the urge to coast or settle or fall into a rut. Instead we believe in the butterfly effect. We believe our choices matter, whether that be the choice to recycle that piece of paper or to smile at the clerk at the grocery store or to give a significant amount of money to a charity or Kickstarter. We create meaning by being mindful about the cause and effect of what we do every day.
How do you create meaning in your life?
The Practical Free Spirit 
I think the distancing of ourselves from trusted institutions is a very, very good thing – they were largely false constructs in the first place, and offered shallow hope. This forces you to find hope and meaning in something more personal, which (to me) is more likely to result in truer happiness.
I’m still searching for meaning (and likely always will be), but I’ve been much more content in the last few years since adopting a “relaxed hedonism” point of view. I’ve learned to worry less, enjoy whatever I have, and be happy with some simplicity.
Relaxed hedonism, huh? I like that. And simplicity can be a beautiful experience to have.
I don’t really search for meaning in my life, or rather I don’t sit around and worry what this all means. Maybe there is no over arching meaning in life.
I take notice of things, though. I take great joy in my kid’s laugh, a hug from my wife. Right now, I’m absolutely loving the early crisp autumn-like weather. The leaves are starting to change. These things give me joy.
More than anything, though, I really try to appreciate the fact that I have a today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, but I do have now. Many countless people who have come and gone before would love nothing more than to have just one more now.
Paul
That last paragraph, though, is in its own way constructing meaning. I can just imagine Benjamin Franklin or Cleopatra making deals to have one more now. 🙂
I do understand your point, though, of the value of living in the moment. I’m a big believer in appreciating the little things.
Or, most likely, the answer really is 42 (love the H2G2 reference)
“He believes that every moment of his life is a learning experience for the universe, and therefore his life is infused with meaning.”
I disagree with that, for at least two reasons.
1) I only see the “the universe” as a nebulous concept synonymous with Fate, Chance, and/or God, none of which can or need to learn. You can challenge them, but you can’t teach them.
2) On a less abstract scale, you can’t teach people who aren’t willing to learn, and I think most people are inherently unwilling and/or unable to learn from others.
I have for a long time subscribed to the philosophy of learning from the mistakes of others; when exposing that belief, I have been rarely if ever agreed with and frequently strongly disagreed with. You should NOT learn from the mistakes of others; you should try everything yourself and make your own mistakes.
Learning requires thinking; most people don’t want to think anymore than they absolutely have to. I back up that claim with not only my personal experience, but the nature of modern American politics where there is clearly an absence of thinking.
Re: “How American culture is causing widespread misery” link
It may be revealing that my reaction to ‘If a man’s pig runs away then the tribe gives him a new pig’ was “But what if his pig ran away because he was negligent? What incentive does he have to try to prevent his pig from running away when he knows it will be replaced?”
I think that’s a telling reaction on my part, showing my Conservative roots that stem from my negative view of human nature. But the pig might have run away for reasons other than negligence. And even if he was negligent, does it mean he should be made to starve for lack of bacon?
I’d say the end goal is to have nobody be negligent, and everyone feel bad if they lost their pig. Then nobody would be abusing the system. But how do you purge society of people who are irresponsible and/or abuse the system without shooting or brainwashing them?
It’s fascinating the Conservative vs Liberal philosophical questions that arise from a simple story about a pig…