It’s the end of April, April 26th, to be exact, and as always on this day, my thoughts are with my mom.
Her death at age fifty really brought home to me the reality of mortality. All things must end. We have a finite amount of time. It made me realize how important it is to prioritize, to make things happen now because there might not be a later, to fight against becoming stuck in a daily routine if it makes me unhappy.
Her death taught me the importance of shaking things up.
You want to know the truth? I don’t like shaking things up. It’s scary and uncomfortable. There tends to be a fair amount of risk involved, as well as failure and disappointment. It can be hard to decide when to shake and when to let things settle.
But when in doubt, I’d usually rather shake. I remember the finite life span of human beings. I remember my mom’s unhappiness, and how she couldn’t shake things up to make her life better. And then it was too late.
Could I be a writer if I didn’t believe in shaking things up? Could I be a blogger? I don’t know. I’m guessing I couldn’t be a blogger because blogs tend to shake things up. Any blogger worth her salt will have to occasionally offer up an opinion, and people will disagree. Shake, shake, shake. And without that extra push to make life happen for myself, would I have found the courage to spend so much time writing? To attempt a novel? To send stories out to be rejected? All these choices shake things up.
I worry when people my age (thirties) tell me how much they want to travel, but they haven’t been anywhere. I want to say, I hope you’re not serious. I hope travel isn’t actually that important to you. I hope it’s a nice dream that provides a pleasant thought diversion. Or else I hope you’re just being polite, like me when I say how amazing it would be to learn to knit (I don’t actually care if I learn to knit or not). Because otherwise, what if it never happens? What if you never shake things up enough to make it happen?
This is why priorities matter so much. So we can decide when it’s important to shake and when we can take a break, be laid back, and let things sort themselves out. It’s like my experience with Las Vegas. I live a short flight away from Vegas. People I know are going to Vegas all the time. It’s never been a real priority of mine to go to Vegas, so I sat back and figured it would happen when it happened. I chose not to shake things up.
And guess what? I’ve still never been to Vegas.
So in a way, today is about remembering my mom AND remembering the power of shaking things up. I don’t want to be a people pleaser anymore? Then bam, I’ll learn more about it, I’ll push myself to change, I’ll ruffle some feathers. I want to be a writer? Then bam, I’ll take risks with my writing, I’ll go out there and meet people in my industry, I’ll leave myself vulnerable, and I’ll commit myself fully even knowing failure waits right around the corner.
Hi, Mom. This earthquake is for you.
The Practical Free Spirit 
Thanks for writing this post, Amy. Took courage and the message was valuable. Jay
Insightful and challenging. Thanks for sharing. Though sorry about your Mom.
I miss you Amy! You post reminds me of why I quit my last job and took one that I really like (that is challenging). Life’s just too short.
I think we have that outlook in common…probably why we found each other in London! 🙂
No acknowledgment but the photo you have used is of Cranmer Courts in Christchurch, NZ. News just came through today that it has been condemned. Perhaps not the best illustration for this article.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/news/christchurch-earthquake-2011/6831177/Cranmer-Courts-condemned
Hi Amy, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, but I like what you say. My own parents died in their early fifties, in a car crash, and that brough home to me how short life is and how uncertain. I was 21 at the time, and I swore then that I would do all the things I most wanted to do and take advantage of any interesting opportunity that came my way, because we never know if there’ll be another chance. Perhaps because of this, I’ve never been very good at taking the long-term view and planning for the future, but my life has been interesting and full of new experiences and this means more to me than long-term security.
I stumbled on your blog by accident, but I’ll certainly be coming back again.
You know what’s interesting? I had been encouraged to take the path to security for most of my life, and me bucking that to major in music was already a really big deal. But the experience of losing my mom helped to validate the choice to do music and push me more towards taking chances and having adventures…something I’m not sure I would have had the courage to continue to do otherwise.
I agree that I care more about having an interesting and fulfilling life than having security, although I sometimes forget that (falling back on old training, I guess). The more reminders, the better!
[…] It’s the end of April, and as always at this time of year, my thoughts are with my mom. But instead of talking more about her, I’d like to talk about how our society deals with the […]