I read a lot of blogs. Some I read regularly, some I occasionally swoop down upon and catch up in a big glut of reading, some I read only once. Many of these blogs are writer blogs, and I’ve seen more than one post about Writer Envy.
What is Writer Envy? It’s that niggling feeling in the pit of your stomach when you hear that Jay Lake averages 2,500 words per hour. It’s the pang you feel when you hear someone’s broken into a market that you’ve been dying to get into. It’s the discouragement of feeling that maybe you’re being left behind as one by one, all your writer friends get agents and publishing deals and more and better sales than you think you are getting.
Does anyone know why we call it green with envy?
Well, guess what? I’m giving you permission to be jealous, whether with Writer Envy or because of your friend’s superior cooking or for any other reason. To envy is to be human. And, it turns out, it can even be good for you. Psychology Today recently ran an article citing a recent study about envy. The results are fascinating: it turns out that feeling the emotion of envy both causes us to focus more on the object of our jealousy and boosts our memories. Basically, jealousy allows us to more efficiently learn and remember how to achieve what we’re jealous of.
Therefore, instead of beating ourselves up when we feel it, we can begin to think of envy as a tool. We can use it to make ourselves better writers (or cooks, or car washers, or underwater basket weavers). We can harness that energy to motivate ourselves instead of to discourage.
Example: Let’s say my friend Beth makes a sale to Greatest Ever Magazine, which is the market that I most want to break into. I can wallow and feel terrible about myself because Greatest Ever Magazine still sends me form rejections. Or, I can use my desires and feeling of jealousy to motivate me. I can read Beth’s story and analyze why I think Greatest Ever Magazine liked it. Perhaps the subject matter is perfect for the market, or perhaps the market prefers upbeat endings like Beth’s. I can figure out the strengths of the story, and then compare it to my own recent work. Perhaps Beth’s story shows excellent use of setting, whereas I have too many under-described, white rooms in my recent work. Or perhaps Beth’s story has a twisty and exciting plot that drives it, while my recent stories have all been character-driven. I can learn from my friend Beth’s success where the weaknesses in my own work are and how I might get started on improving them. Beth might even be willing to share her own insights on Greatest Ever Magazine. Meanwhile, because I am jealous, I’ll be more likely to focus and remember what I’ve figured out.
(This can also work, by the way, with embarrassment. I was so embarrassed that I forgot the names of the two rivers of Mesopotamia in seventh grade social studies that I will probably remember that they are the Tigris and Euphrates for the rest of time.)
Of course, experiencing jealousy doesn’t mean we can’t also feel happy and pleased for a person who has succeeded. And it certainly doesn’t excuse any bad behavior on our parts. However, knowing that our brains are designed to feel jealousy on purpose to give us a better chance of survival can change our outlook. Instead of seeing jealousy as an embarrassing weakness, we can see it as another way to move forward towards our goals.
The Practical Free Spirit 
Is it all right to confess that a great recent joy was finding fault with Michael Chabon’s dialog tags? It gave me the same pleasure I’d take in seeing one of the missus’s favored actors with a fresh black eye and mustard all over his shirt.
Ah yes, the slightly guilty pleasure of finding “mistakes” in other writers’ work. I am familiar with that one. 🙂
Whew…
Talk about having a positive outlook 🙂
It is a definite tendency of mine. It often comes in handy.
At 52, my envy for the success of others has faded. It was a real issue in my 20s and 30s. Now I am only happy for them, and even more happy for myself, because I no longer beat myself up over lagging behind those whose successes I once envied.
That’s fabulous, Jeff. I infinitely prefer not falling into the comparison trap, but I figure if it happens, might as well get something good out of it! I also find that paying attention to when it happens is a good indication of how I’m feeling about my recent progress. Luckily this is not something with which I struggle overmuch, but when it does pop up, it’s usually because I’m placing myself under more pressure than usual.
I actually love when I get envious because it is an inkling of a direction that I want to head or at least try out for a while. When I see someone with a life that looks like one I’d like, I do indeed ask myself how he or she (mainly she’s these days as I try to figure out what “grown-up” me will look like) got there and see what I can do to get there too. Also, the competition brought on by successful friends always pushes me to do better… not necessarily to best them but to at least know that I’m living fully too. Great post!
I love this thought! It’s a great career advice tip if you have trouble figuring out what goals you want to pursue. I really like what you say about not trying to best your successful friends but rather being inspired and motivated by them.
Great words, Amy! I never thought of jealously as a tool before. Thank you! Speaking of embarrassment, I misspelled the word “Embarrass” in an elementary school spelling bee, and I have spelled it correctly ever since. 🙂
You know what’s bizarre? I misspelled the word “calendar” in a school spelling bee, and for some reason it’s the one instance in which that rule of thumb totally doesn’t work for me. I have to check the spelling of it every time I use it.
I always thought “turning green with envy” was a reference to it making you feel ill.
I can see the logic behind why envy could be beneficial, but I don’t really agree. Envy, jealousy, greed: your motivation to become better is to become better than another. Being better should be a goal and a motivation in and of itself. You’re letting others dictate your focus and what is important to you. They are bad emotions to be stamped out, mercilessly crushed.
I respect that point, Josh. Well said.
However, when my goal sits at someone else’s feet, that is when I let a little envy be my ally. The key is not to become consumed by it.
Yes, being consumed by envy is another kettle of fish.
Oh yes, Josh, you’re probably right about the connection between turning green and illness. Hooray, my question is answered.
I partly agree with what you say. Letting others dictate your priorities doesn’t sound particularly useful to me, and I can see how jealousy could cause that to happen. In fact, I think it has many, many pitfalls, which is probably why it has such a bad rep.
Where I think we disagree is in the thinking that jealousy is inherently bad. It is my thinking that jealousy is another emotion just like all other emotions. It’s not the emotion that is bad, it is the actions that may arise *from* the emotion.
I will grant that emotions that we perceive as negative (ie jealousy, greed, anger, fear, etc.) are more likely to encourage us to behave in unfortunate ways. But if we can use them instead to monitor our internal state, become clearer about our own goals, and behave in ways that are healthy and beneficial, they can be helpful instead of harmful. (Ah, ever the optimist.)
“It’s not the emotion that is bad, it is the actions that may arise *from* the emotion.” – Love that.
Engaging with and using your emotions to propel you into positive action is the trick, and one that it sounds like you are well versed with. Great article, thanks 🙂
Very well put. Positive action, indeed. That’s the goal, in any case. 🙂
I too understand your logic and respect your analysis but I agree with Joshism, envy and jealousy are negative emotions. They are unhealthy and can be detrimental to one’s health (hence, turning green with envy) if they linger too long. However, we all experience jealousy from time-to-time. When it does occur I believe that taking your advice to make it work for us is a healthy approach to overcoming the emotion.
I also believe that one should try to be better than they were yesterday. Trying to do better than someone who is experiencing the success we want could lead to a vicious cycle. I do agree that we should always be willing to learn from those we admire. Great post and thread!
After what you and Joshism said, I’ve been thinking more about emotions, both how they are perceived and how to work with them. It’s been really interesting, so thank you for that!
Striving for continual improvement is a great ideal and one I try to follow myself. I agree with you that actively trying to better someone else tends to lead to badness.
Thank you! Perfect pick me up post for my day. I was feeling a little envious and discouraged today. Scrap that! Keep moving forward!
Hoorah! Glad you’re feeling better. 🙂