What have I been thinking? I’ve been embracing my identity as an introvert, actually. I’ve spent most of my life unconsciously believing that being an introvert is a Bad Thing. Because, you know, those extroverts have all the fun. While I do believe that American culture contributes to this belief, I see no reason why I can’t be as nonconformist about this as I am about other widely held issues.
So here is my official announcement: Being an introvert is AWESOME! I get to have deep and interesting conversations with people, either one-on-one or in small groups. I get to do amazing creative projects that often require heaps of hours by myself, and it doesn’t bother me. I can be perfectly happy and content and charged without having to take the trouble to make sure I have social plans every single free moment of the day. I get to spend lots of time thinking, which means I get to analyze and learn and have plenty of “aha!” moments. And I tend to think more before I speak, which means I have a better chance of being able to support the people I care about (not to mention a better chance of avoiding saying the most stupid things that pop into my head).
Sure, being an introvert means I have to work harder at being assertive. But since I’m not down at the far end of the introversion spectrum, a lot of the more difficult aspects of it don’t bother me. Basically, I’m an introvert who can pass. (Perhaps this is the real definition of an ambivert: Someone who is not so extreme on the spectrum, so they are able to pass for the other if convenient.) This means that often I can enjoy the best of both worlds, and I’m not dodged by people’s perceptions of my introversion.
What I have realized is that being an introvert and lacking social skills are not the same thing. Imagine my surprise at this discovery! Someone can be an introvert and still have excellent social skills (or successfully develop them). Or someone can be an extrovert who has zero social skills. While there may be a certain amount of correlation between extroverts and social ability, it certainly doesn’t seem to exclude these other possibilities.
This became even clearer to me when I took another personality test based on colors (here is a version of it if you love taking personality tests as much as I do). My highest color is blue, which is the social helper type. Yes, I’m a self-esteem builder who gets the most satisfaction from work that allows me help and inspire others and make a difference in their lives. No surprise that I’ve spent most of my adult life being a teacher and writer. It even fits in with this blog of mine, doesn’t it? And yet I’m also an introvert. These two parts of myself are not in conflict. In fact, I believe that being an introvert actually assists me to better understand and inspire others. How’s that for some positive framing?
Here’s my question for you: how does being an introvert or an extrovert help you in your life? And if necessary, can you pass as the other type (be an introvert who appears to be an extrovert or an extrovert who appears to be an introvert)?
The Practical Free Spirit 
I think I lean, like you, towards the introvert side of things. That said I can definitely don my friendly cap and come across as an extrovert, especially when first meeting someone. I like to discover new things, meet new people, but I keep most of myself hidden and guarded until I’m ready. I think it’s pretty handy.
I also love love love that I can entertain myself endlessly. I am never bored. There is always another book, movie, site, puppy to distract me. I’m very content hanging out in my room (which is why I never understand the “Go to your room” punishment!)
I know, right? Darn it, I have to go to my room…where all my books are kept!
Being both is awesome. 🙂
Ah, a colour test. That one’s modified off the Myers-Briggs test (you know, where you discovered you’re an INFsomething. How did I guess? All blues from this colour test are NFs, or intuitive feelers, and you already said you were an introvert . . . ).
It’s not as important, personality-wise, that you’re an introvert as that you’re an intuitive (the N from the Myers-Briggs test) . All that pondering, focus on interesting conversations, creative projects, seeking chances to analyze and have ‘ah-ha!’ moments is part of being intuitive, not introverted. That said, more intuitives — and more extreme intuitives — are introverted than extroverted, since introversion is usually a real benefit to intuitives. So being an introvert *is* awesome — at least if you’re an intuitive!
You’re absolutely spot-on that being an introvert and lacking social skills are separate. In fact, being an introvert and being shy are entirely separate as well. Introversion only means that a person draws energy from being alone, and that says nothing about how we handle social events or crowds (except that we introverts eventually get tired from them, of course).
I’m almost 90% intuitive, which is a highly extreme example, yet I’m only about 20% introverted (that is, 20% more introverted than extroverted, since we’re all at least a little bit of both). Being introverted makes life easier, in that I don’t often have to go into public to draw up energy I need to process things in my little mental world. Still, if I were extremely introverted I’d miss out on a lot of chances to learn from and connect with others, because I’d run out of energy too fast. As it is, not being extremely introverted means I can get some energy from being in the right conversations too, and that’s very nice. I suspect, however, that my extreme intuitive nature makes it harder to be in public than it would be otherwise; I am constantly building and modifying mental models in every new circumstance, and social interactions are incredibly complex scenarios where assumptions must be modified all the time — which can fast become exhausting.
Actually I’m an ENFJ … although I am sometimes an INFJ, and I still flip flop between the two.
Being intuitive fits in somewhere, I’m sure, but I was specifically looking at traits that are typically identified with introversion when writing my list of introvert awesomeness. I wasn’t really talking about the Myers-Brigg personality types in particular, although as always they are quite fascinating.
And yes, questioning and modifying (or trying to avoid, depending on the context) assumptions can be quite exhausting!
Ah, and to demonstrate my problems with mental maps and assumptions I shove my foot down my throat making incorrect assumptions again.
Thanks for the gracious reply.
Or maybe I was unclear–that is just as likely! All’s well that ends well. 🙂
Thanks for writing such a great post — and embracing your introversion!
Introversion is so often talked about in a negative fashion; I always like to find people who point out the positive part of being an introvert.
Once I started thinking about it more, I realized that it’s kind of strange how introversion has such negative connotations– which is when I came to the conclusion that we (as a society) are mixing up our terms. Sometimes language makes things tricky!
I used to think that I was very much an extrovert as I was a rather rambunctious rabble-rouser in highschool, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve needed down time away from people and am beginning to think that I might be a bit of both.
Having a strong extrovert side means that I’ve always been able to tell a cute guy exactly (and ask for a date), I interview really well and I am not afraid to speak up when friends were up to something that I didn’t agree with. During the peak of my extroversion, I can imagine that I often talked over other people and didn’t really hear what they had to say because I was too wrapped up in my own world.
I think that growing my introvert side has made me a better friend because I am able to listen more and also have a broader view of the world. I still prefer to do activities with others, but I am finding myself more and more at ease when I lounge about the house with a book, or watch a tv show/movie solo.
I think I still tend to read as an extrovert, but my introvert leanings/understanding make it so that I no longer take it personally when my boyfriend (who is a real, full-on introvert) needs time alone. I do have to be careful to not let myself get shut down emotionally and disengage if a party is overwhelming or involves too many people. I’ve never liked large groups and have always preferred smaller, more intimate gatherings and a small group of very close friends over a large group of less intimate friends. One trick that I’ve learned for socializing on an emotionally manageable scale is to host a get together in a house that has an open kitchen so that I can semi-segregate myself with food prep but still be part of the party.
I’m wondering if this might be like so many other things in life–both are great in moderation, and it’s best if you can hit a balance between the two.
I prefer more intimate gatherings as well, but I’ve found that I can sometimes create those *in the midst* of a bigger party. I like your kitchen idea too. 🙂
I thought I’m in between then I took a really good look. I’m an introvert that have learned some social skills. I still prefer being alone over being around a crowd but I can socialize with a group of people. Just because we’re introverts, it doesn’t mean we can’t lead as well. I guess being introvert and extrovert have nothing to do with how successful we’ll be in life.
Yes, exactly that! I think it just means we have different strengths and weaknesses, but as with everything else, weaknesses can be shored up and strengths can be used to compensate. But both extroverts and introverts can be successful, and, if they want, be leaders as well.
This is such an interesting thing to think about. I tend to think of myself as an introvert but really, I think my “inner child” is wanting to break out and be an extrovert. And like you wrote, neither is a bad thing- nor does being an introvert mean that we can’t have just as much fun or be social. 😉
I’d say if you want to be an extrovert, break out and go crazy! I actually think it’s easier for us to behave differently and experiment when we’ve accepted the way we are to begin with. So when I’m not thinking negatively as myself as an introvert, it’s a lot easier to put my social skills into practice.
But then, I guess that’s true in general. Negative thinking tends to pull down, not lift up.
[…] Being an Introvert is Awesome! […]
..wOw!
I used to be an introvert type of persOn in which others thought I’ve got a poor social skills. At first, they judged me I’m not capable of doing such things and has a low self-esteem. Well, it always came to my mind they should have to discover and explore something different from me. If its all about confidence, yes I still have to work on it. The fear, I must overcome on it as well. Surprisingly, they were being shocked knowing I’ve got the highest potential to talk other people specially the first time we met..I had the ability to socialize and mingle group of people. Being introvert shapes the quality of life I had. Most of the time, I used to read books and magazines alone. I do creative things rather than wasting the golden time. This behavior allows me to learn new things from others. Therefore, I consider Being Introvert is Awesome. As it says “don’t judged the book by it’s cover” definitely true.
I love this article!! I myself enjoy being an introvert as well. I tried to explain it to my ex therapist. She said that introversion is bad because it doesn’t allow you to be assertive but I’m am proud of being one. I tried to explain to her why I enjoy being an introvert but I didn’t know how and this article expresses exactly why I like being one! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
well i am an extreme introvert i suppose lol… i spend most of my time alone working on music. note that ive learned to play dozens of instruments because i can’t stand working with people who arent on the same page musically, or are too much about laws and business and b.s. i also spend hours alone in nature and hours learning anything im curious about. I don’t like society, and i don’t like pop culture…. its not all sad though! I do have an introvert girlfriend and we get along great since she is about the only person who can deal with my extreme views on just about everything imaginable! we go in nature and travel and talk deeply all the time. i have 2 long time friends. one i see alot in summer when i want to be athletic, and the other i drink with once in a while. neither friend seems to be able to get very philisophical so we end up talking of old times and nothing i find very interesting… i have to admit i want to give these friends up but i always hold off since i beleive i need some social interaction here and there.
The truth is, im very happy! i have my dreams and goals… when i get out of college i will live a more simple life away from the american ideal way of living. I want to see the world and experience as many cultures as possible without bias. i can’t pull myself to beleive in any religion other than being good and not destroying the earth and not being ignorant or hateful. i want a family although i really don’t click with mine too much. i visit them and talk about “things”. I have my music, art, nature, and a world full of things to learn! i just don’t get pleasure in parties or malls or materialism. i feel i have to dumb myself down too much and thats one thing i don’t like doing… but there’s a place and time for spreading knowledge i suppose 🙂
Im very confident and im happy with life as an introvert… i guess i learned to accept it quickly after high school! im almost 24 now! as long as im doing things i love, bettering myself, and accomplishing things constantly, i am happier than most people ive met!