I’m in the mood to open a can of worms today, so here we go.
I spent the morning at my local eye doctor/eye glasses shop, getting an exam and picking out new frames. It was painless process this time around, which was a pleasant surprise. Picking new glasses frames is the ultimate fashion choice since your glasses are the one thing you’ll always be wearing no matter what (well, except in the pool or in bed), so the choice can be a daunting one. This time, I only deliberated for around twenty minutes, a personal best. It didn’t seem like a big deal.
I remember a time when it was a huge deal because I was hugely self-conscious about my glasses. This was partly teenage and young adult appearance angst, but the outside world gave me no help whatsoever. I lost count of the number of times I was wearing contacts to perform in a show and some well-meaning but horribly insensitive person told me how much better I looked without glasses or passed along some inane comment about how it was too bad I usually hid my eyes. Please note at the time I had no choice whatsoever about wearing the glasses: contacts irritated my eyes so badly I’d be popping them in and out of my bright red eyes all day long, and this was before Lasik was available.
It was worse in college when one of my best friends told me how much better I’d look without them to “desensitize” me from other people’s rude comments. Or when another “friend” said I could never rate above average in appearance because the glasses took away so many beauty points. Or later on, when I was a young twenty-something dating and men would, and I kid you not, reach over and *take off* my glasses, without even asking, before commenting on my beauty. A few years ago, I even had a massage therapist, while performing what was supposed to be a relaxing massage, tell me that I should really consider ditching the glasses because I looked so good without them. Um, backhanded compliment much?
I’m telling you this not to whinge about my past trauma but to make a point: that as a woman, I was constantly bombarded by messages, from individuals as well as from the media, telling me that I could not look beautiful if I wore glasses. The very best I could hope for was a “sexy librarian” sort of look, which, after being subjected to years of being blasted by peoples’ negative opinions about glasses, honestly didn’t make this girl jump up and down for joy.
Since the idea of beauty is socially constructed, maybe these messages were, in their way, correct . Maybe I can never be beautiful in the way that everyone wanted me to be. (And here’s another question: why did so many people seem so invested in me looking a certain way, anyway?) But I don’t buy this imposed estrangement between me and beauty. Today, even though I have more choices (better, more comfortable contact lenses, possibility of corrective eye surgery), I wear my glasses without self-consciousness. They are a part of who I am. Personally, I think I’m just as beautiful with or without some stylish plastic on my face, in the same way that I’m just as intelligent either way. And people making random negative comments on my appearance are not only incorrect, but also rude and therefore do not deserve my attention.
So the next time you find yourself about to comment on how a woman’s glasses affect her beauty, try to see past how you think she’s “supposed” to look and appreciate instead how she does look. Maybe even notice how her eyeglasses enhance her natural features. All of us bespectacled women will love you for it.
The Practical Free Spirit 
I would just like to say that you look absolutely beautiful in your glasses and have since the day I met you.
Those messages that women somehow are less attractive when wearing glasses are really damned obnoxious. I suspect that they’re some kind of holdover from the notion that women shouldn’t be doing anything which requires reading or thinking anyway, which just makes the idea even more disgusting.
You should wear your glasses and continue to look beautiful in them. Or out of them. 🙂
I did find articles showing a correlation between someone wearing glasses and their perceived intelligence. And I did wonder if there was a link between that and the pressure on women not to wear them.
There are actually two unfortunate messages you’re getting through these incidents: 1. your value is primarily in how you look and 2. you don’t look as good with glasses.
Neither is true. Glasses look just fine. And look aren’t everything… or shouldn’t be, anyway.
You’re right. I didn’t have the chutzpah to tackle #1 today, but it is, of course, the more pervasive and seriously harmful of the two messages running through our society.
It is an open question as to why the people criticizing my glasses weren’t so dazzled by my mental prowess that they had no idea how I looked. In fact, now I’m trying to imagine a society in which that could happen. 🙂
In Western society, men can be invisible, in the sense that people often won’t notice their appearance very strongly. In particular, white men can be. This is just another part of being at the center of a hegemony; the further one is towards the periphery, the more the culture focuses on externals (beauty or lack thereof, skin colour, etc.) to mark someone’s place on the periphery.
A world where people wouldn’t notice how others looked . . . I suspect that would either be one where everyone was blind, where everyone’s appearance choices were highly repressed, or everyone was equal – but the nature of hegemonies likely precludes the latter over any length of time. I could see a world in which men would be judged by their appearance, rather than women – a world where women formed the power centre. And there have been times where a variety of particulars about appearance were still not used to infantalize women in the ways that the late Victorians started doing. I could also see a world where appearance could be made so easily malleable (in a VR setting, for instance) that other markers would be used to determine who’s at the social centre. That last one might make for quite an interesting sf story . . .
Very insightful, Rich.
And yes, there are so many interesting story ideas relating to this! It makes me happy to think that someday I might have time to write them.
Wait, women have eyes? … Odd.
Your sexist pig moment of the morning, brought to you by Eric Kelley.
I wonder if there’s a correlation to the Golden Ratio, and perhaps glasses throw off the ratio.
http://www.intmath.com/Numbers/mathOfBeauty.php
There are LOTS of articles about this, but that one is the simplest breakdown.
LOL Oh Mr. Kelley… *shakes head*
I wore glasses for a time in high school, Amy, but I was socialized/peer pressure out of them. Contacts drive me absolutely BATTY though, so sometimes I wear my boyfriend’s glasses before he wakes up.
In short: I think you look great wearing them, and you should keep wearing them if you like them, and feel confident in them. I wish I had kept mine!
Danielle, you need to switch back to glasses. They’re infinitely better than contacts – don’t let peer pressure tell you otherwise!
I used to have perfect vision, but I had to get glasses when I was about twelve or something. I tried contacts, but I couldn’t get them in my eyes, they’d fall on the floor and I couldn’t find them again. I couldn’t find them because I couldn’t see them! Poor design choice, contact makers . . . Now I think I look strange without my glasses on.
Ugh, contacts. Don’t get me started. Although they do make much nicer ones now.
My point is that women shouldn’t feel pressured to not wear glasses OR *to* wear them. They can look beautiful both ways. Danielle certainly should be allowed to decide for herself which she prefers.
Bien sur! My comment pertained to function, not appearance. Glasses > contacts any day, I think, but I certainly don’t expect anyone to take my opinion as fact.
Thanks, Amy 🙂 I am due for an eye exam this winter. Maybe I’ll decide to change things up… things could get crazy!
Thank you too, Rich, for the support! To not have my eyes itch all day would be a blessing.
I am 15 years old and have been wearing contacts since I was 12. They used to irritate me so much and putting them in was a complete nightmare. It would take at least an hour and when I dropped them my mum would have to find them for me. I remember on one occasion my contact got caught in my hair and flung at a wall. I found it a few weeks later dried up and stuck to the wall. I also found that the solution I was using irritated my eyes so I changed brands and now it is fine. I don’t think twice about putting my contacts in now since it’s routine and I am used to it. I still wear my glasses at home and one day a week to give my eyes a break. But I couldn’t imagine wearing them to school again.
I figured my experience was not very unusual among women. I too would have been peer pressured out of mine if it were at all possible. But it also doesn’t seem to be something people talk about very often, so I thought I’d speak up!
Actually I had a lot of fun picking out my new frames. They’re like the ultimate accessory, and I love how stylish the new ones are.
The Golden Ratio is interesting, but I find myself somewhat skeptical about that in particular as the cause of glasses hating. Besides, wouldn’t some glasses correct imperfections and make the person *closer* to the ratio as well?
I actually have a mild preference for women with glasses, provide they realize they’re face jewelry and choose appropriately.
But it’s really just like my preference for women wearing dark/bold colors – it can show a style choice. I guess that unlike colors, there are glasses associated with many styles but none with “conventionally hot”.
Of course, I wonder what mine make strangers think of me, since they’re narrow and unobtrusive to the point they’d be impractical for anyone with really poor vision!
Yes, having just shopped for glasses, I can attest to the “many possible styles” thing. It has been my experience, however, that not all people view a particular pair of frames as a style choice as opposed to a direct reflection on that person’s appearance and abilities.
I wonder if strangers even notice yours, to be honest! If someone had asked me before reading your comment whether you wore glasses or not, I would have had to think pretty hard before answering.
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As a long time admirer of women (now age 75) I find the discourse humorous even though I know it is true. My second daughter needed glasses quite young and refused to wear then thus she grew up in a world with a 15 ft,
radius. Teaching her to drive was traumatic even with glasses because she still was unaware of the bigger world and depth perception. My son says, ‘Few people understand the sexual turn on of intelligence.’ Glasses, sexy librarian, are FINE.
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i wear glasses and have a bf who happens to think glasses are hot. lucky me =) i don’t think glasses in general detract or add to a woman’s beauty but certain styles work better on certain faces just like certain styles of dress look better on certain body shapes.
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