I have something of a clothing habit.
I was thinking about why this might be the case the other day, because if I could get rid of my clothing habit, it would be better for my space constraints, not to mention my budget. I know I can get quite nostalgic about my clothing, but that’s not all it is because I gave away whole heaping bags of nostalgic clothing a few months ago, and yet my clothing habit still exists.
But I realized that for me, what’s exciting about clothing is its representation of possibilities of identity. There’s a reason there’s a stereotype of teens being obsessed with clothing (and really, appearance in general) right at the same time that they’re exploring and experimenting with who they are. And I have all those possibilities of who I could be hanging in my bedroom to be pulled out at any time.
This is me needing to get a lot done at home.
Of course, appearance and other markers such as vocabulary and accent are used by people to categorize each other. And as much as we might not like that this is true, it is true. How we present ourselves to the world matters. People will treat us differently based on the assumptions they’ve made about us, and some of those assumptions are based on what we’re wearing and how we’re carrying ourselves.
But what’s really interesting to me is how we can use things like clothing and hair style and posture to change ourselves from the outside in. If I’m wearing a cute skirt and blouse and boots, I feel very different from when I’m wearing a fitted T-shirt and jeans, which feels very different from if I’m wearing extremely baggy clothing. So my closet becomes about having access to the choice as to how I want to feel today. Do I want serious practical “I’m taking on the world today and getting stuff done” clothes? Or do I want active sporty “I might actually exercise today” clothes? Do I want “I am elegant and refined and fascinating” clothes? Or “I am sick and just want to hide out at home all day” clothes? If I’m wearing a Disney T-shirt, that says something very different from if I’m wearing a black shift.
Whereas this is me wanting to go out to eat tapas and have conversation about what it is to be an artist.
It’s not just clothes either. A few years ago, thinking it would improve my writing, I read The Definitive Book of Body Language, by Barbara and Allan Pease. After reading the discussion on posture, I decided to experiment on myself. I tend to cross my arms in front of me (or do a half-cross like in the above photo), which isn’t a very open posture. So whenever I thought of it at parties or conventions, I would deliberately put my hands behind my back in a more confident posture. Once I got past the initial awkwardness, I began to feel more confident as a result of standing differently. And now I stand that way more often without thinking about it. Pretty neat, huh?
Unfortunately, this train of thought did not lead to me ditching my clothing habit. But it reminded me that sometimes playing with our identities, even if it’s only in small and outward ways, can help us both learn more about ourselves and change ourselves. It’s a way to honor the fact that our identities are often complex and multi-faceted. And it is a way to remind ourselves of how much of life is really making believe and playing pretend, just as it was when we were children.
The Practical Free Spirit 
Years ago, I had the idea for a theme party: “Come as you aren’t”. Not costumes, exactly, but I was pretty sure everyone could put together an outfit where they presented themselves in a way that was VERY different than normal. I really should put that together…
Expanding on your ideas, I think that’s one of the reasons I love Halloween so much – people are presenting as someone else, and it makes things interesting.
“Come as you aren’t”–I like it! Sometimes people get locked into a certain way of dressing or portraying themselves, maybe because they’re afraid to try something new, afraid of how people will react. It would be cool to have a party where people could feel safe trying on a new persona that could really work for them in real life, as opposed to costumes. Which are also awesome, but not quite the same for that purpose.
Oh my gosh, that is such a fabulous party idea, Mike! I’m thinking about doing it for my birthday party this year because it makes me so happy to contemplate. 🙂
I used to have a book habit – I would hang on to these books that I’d never actually read, because I wanted to be the kind of person who read books like that. (It wasn’t even that I wanted to look that way to other people; it was all going on in my own head.) I wanted to be the kind of person who read literary criticism for fun, for example. Despite my English degree, I’m not.
When my husband and I relocated, taking only what we could fit in the car (plus half a dozen boxes we mailed) I had to come to terms with the person I really was and the books I actually loved.
I still love going to the library and coming home with books for that imaginary me, though – the me who spins and makes candles and pickles things, mostly. I have hopes that if I keep pretending to be her, she’ll show up sooner or later.
I have a book habit too. I really do WANT to read most of the books I have, though. I’ve gotten a bit better about getting rid of the ones that I’ve realized I don’t actually want to read, as an act of self preservation. 🙂
My subconscious intimated that it had an ‘ah ha’ moment when I read this, somehow connected to the second book in the trilogy I’ve been working out, where I actually have to take my characters deep into a Lud-in-the-Mist style nigh-incomprehensibly numinous Fairyland and have an actual, y’know, plot happen. So, thanks!
Hooray! Glad to have helped a couple of dots connect. 🙂 Also, thinking about Lud-in-the-Mist makes me happy.
At least its fashionable clothing. 🙂
Thanks for posting!
~L
Ha! Indeed.
[…] was “Come as you aren’t,” a brilliant idea that was originally suggested by my friend Mike on this blog. It took me almost a year and a half to implement the idea, but it was completely worth the […]