I never got asked that question in an interview.
Which is just as well, because after having spent years and years of my life as a recovering perfectionist, I can say with authority that the negatives far outweigh any positives. And if I had answered the way I’d planned to anyone with insight into human character, it might very well have cost me the job.
Not convinced? Let me draw your attention to some perfectionism highlights:
1. Freeze/block: Yes, perfectionism can cause things like writer’s block. I know because to this day it gives me trouble while I’m writing. Once a perfectionist realizes there is no way to get a given job done perfectly, it becomes oh so very difficult to do that job at all. At least, if we actually care about the job at all. The less we care, the easier it is to avoid the freeze.
2. Inefficiency: Unless the perfectionist’s target IS efficiency, of course. Because it’s so hard for us to leave something alone and actually call it done. If we just made another little tweak…or a hundred. If we only had time to start over. You’d better hope your perfectionist is feeling perfectionistic about deadlines, or it’s all over. (Happily, I am in fact a perfectionist about deadlines, so at least I get to finish, whether I like it or not.)
3. Stress: If you aren’t a perfectionist yourself, just imagine a world in which everything you are even tangentially involved with has to be perfect and go exactly as planned. And if it’s not perfect, you have failed and it is All. Your Fault. And if it doesn’t go as planned, then life is ruined. And if only you could be a little better, maybe all the problems in the universe would disappear. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
4. Obliviousness, otherwise known as self denigration: Because perfectionists hold ourselves to such impossible standards, we often fail to notice, or give ourselves appropriate credit for, the awesome things we may accomplish. We may not notice positive character traits, and if we do, we think they’re no big deal. If we achieve something big, we focus on what we didn’t achieve yet, something we failed at, or explain why it isn’t important: Well, but I’ve only made one pro sale. Well, but I’ve only sold one novel. Well, but I was only able to succeed at x because I failed so spectacularly at y. Well, but I’m not that intelligent because I don’t have a PhD/don’t have a deep understanding of quantum mechanics/don’t speak six different languages fluently.
So yes, all is not fun bright times in perfectionism world. While perfectionism does often create driven personalities who go on to achieve great things, I think there are ways of being driven and ambitious without being quite so hard on ourselves. One of my favorite parts of The West Wing was when President Bartlett had dealt with a problem, often less than perfectly, often when there were no good solutions or easy answers. He’d always turn right around and say, “What next?” What next allows us to focus on what we can do instead of dwelling on our inability to be perfect.
Any other perfectionists out there? Any strategies you use to help you work through it? Any aspects you find especially difficult? I’d love to hear from you.
Ah yes, perfectionism…familiar with this theme and was an ongoing discussion with my therapist during the past year. Her issue with perfectionism was how I set myself up to an impossible standard, because, admittedly, I am only human, therefore glorious in all my IMperfections:) Also, she was curious to know why I held myself to different standards; having already established that I did not expect perfect from others, I only want and need others to apply their greatest efforts into trying to do their best. She also wanted to know why, since intellectually I know it is not possible to achieve perfection, I insisted on setting myself up for failure. Hmmm…all good questions/observations and, although they provoke some serious thinking and desire for attitude tweaking, they do not change the FEELING that I must do the impossible to indicate that I have done my extreme very best on any project. What befuddled her the most was my reactions to my perceived failures…shrug of the shoulders, oh well, let’s move on to the next fun, exciting, interesting thing:) It was at this point she suspected ADD…which of course fits perfectly LOL no pun intended:)
As therapists go she was pretty good, always showing her admiration for my intelligence, my tenacity and my sense of humour. Almost like what I would imagine having a groupie would be like! Anyway, even though we agreed that she would be unable to change anything more with her methods and no longer meet every 2 weeks, she still keeps in touch, always enquiring how things are going, how many changes have I instigated in my life etc. etc.
I have a fan. I like having a fan, particularly one with a degree LOL
The most concerning aspect of this mindset is my underachievement, my lack of passion for any one thing to pursue and become the leading expert in, my inability to maintain the focus to one subject and learn all there is to know about it before I get bored with it. I have never moved past lower level management because I get bored and lose interest too quickly. Instead, I move from job to job, subject to subject, change my likes and dislikes more often than anyone else I’ve ever met. Nothing endures and no passion sticks longer than the initial next great interest. So, I know a whole lot of little bits about a whole lot of different, completely unrelated subjects. At this point, I’m fairly ok with that. Probably because I’ve convinced myself that I will never be “out of things to possibly do” in the future.
“having already established that I did not expect perfect from others”
If we do not hold ourselves to higher standards than others then we cannot be better than others.
Even if your goal is to be better than others in various ways, there’s a difference between higher standards and perfect.
I think it is really hard to reprogram this sort of thing. For myself, I expect to always be a perfectionist, but I’m hoping I can recognize when I’m doing it more easily and choose my actions more skillfully based on that (ie talk myself down from the perfectionism and stuff like that).
I can focus all right on things I’m interested in, but I do find that when I stop learning and become “perfect” (or close enough, anyway), then I become bored. I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m attracted to professions and activities that relate to the arts and to people. I always feel like I have more to learn and get to deal with more variety.
This has been a big problem for me. To make a long story short, I’ve tried to shift the focus from absolute, universal perfection to specific achievements. Did I make this deadline? Did I hit my word count? Did I give the editor what she wanted?
I’ve also branched out into different types of writing where perfection is not the goal. Irresistible entertainment is the goal. I’ve learned so much from doing this.
It’s also been a process of changing how I think and view myself and my work. I’m trying to come to terms with things not being perfect, that’s it’s okay when they’re just good enough.
Recently I read Scarlett Thomas’ This Tragic Universe. It’s a wonderful book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s also not perfect, especially the last quarter. I mean, she practically completely drops the ball. And yet, it’s okay. I enjoyed myself while reading the book, and I find myself continually thinking about it.
The book wasn’t perfect, but I still think it’s a successful book.
It’s been an excellent lesson for me.
I don’t typically comment because I run through blogs and other web content in a huge rush in order to get so much done, but I always love your blog posts.
I had a new friend at WFC tell me that to combat her perfectionism, she tells herself that she doesn’t always have to do her best, but instead gets to choose a few things on which to do her best. I nodded as if I understood, but then I said, “Wow, I don’t know if I can do that.” Doing my best in every aspect of life is so hardwired into me that I don’t even understand what life would be like if I didn’t do that.
It is helpful, though, as you say, to think of books that aren’t perfect and yet extremely effective and/or entertaining. It helps me remember that my goal is to write something that works, not something that is flawless.
Thanks so much for commenting, and I’m so glad you enjoy! 🙂
Amy:
Good article. Like you and the other respondents, I have had this problem myself.
It is bundled with other psychological aberrations, such as my occasional imposter syndrome and my workaholic tendencies, all of which make me a good little corporate soldier, but aren’t necessarily best for me.
I wish you the best as you try to get less perfect.
Catherine
Oh gah, imposter syndrome. Yup. Mine goes hand in hand with all most worst people pleaser tendencies, which makes it extra fun.
Hopefully we will become less perfect together. 🙂
I’m a sometimes perfectionist; I’ve dealt with all those things you mentioned.
I try to remind myself perfection is only a goal, not a requirement; the goal is a 100% on a test, but any A is usually acceptable.
Wow, you sound like me. Any A is acceptable is a very perfectionist sort of thought, although I will admit, still toned down from needing 100% every time. I try to flirt with danger and convince myself that even an occasional B might not be the end of the world, but I’ll admit to not as much success with this shocking thought as I’d like. 🙂
Oh yeah, I relate.
The really frustrating bit is fighting tooth and nail to even begin to try those things I care about, because I care enough that I want to do them perfectly while I know how impossible that perfection is. When I care about something, that often leads directly to paralysis, a special hell all its own.
I also often do poorly on those things I don’t care about because I shrug them off in an effort to be perfect at the things that matter to me. This would be fine, because I don’t care about those things so what does it matter if they’re done poorly–except that some of those things need some care and attention or I’ll end up sick.
I try to remind myself that “there’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Leonard Cohen said that, and he sure isn’t perfect but he’s doing pretty well despite that. If someone more perfect than Cohen had said it, that quote would sound sappy, so there’s a place where being flawed is maybe better than being perfect. There are probably others.
The older I get, and the longer I’ve struggled with perfectionism, the more I realize perfection is a terrible goal; it never leads to perfection, only paralysis. I don’t want perfection anymore. The more I think about that, the more I hope my subconscious will get the picture and loosen the choke-hold a bit every once in awhile.
Plus, think if we actually wrote one perfect book. How could we ever write again? I suppose some people might be satisfied with one perfect book, but I’d rather write lots of good ones. 🙂
I like that Leonard Cohen quote. I’ve noticed that no matter how good a story or novel seems to me, somebody always seems to find something to criticize about it. So yeah, always a crack.
Yes, I suffer from this malady, and I am trying to overcome it. I think with age comes the realization that perfection is totally unrealistic, so I’m slowly learning to live with that reality!
[…] this year. I have written a fair amount about being a people pleaser, developing a backbone, and being a perfectionist because these were things that were on my mind. I decided, somewhere in the haze of extreme tooth […]
[…] Stress: If you aren’t a perfectionist yourself, just imagine a world in which everything you are even tangentially involved with has to be perfect and go exactly as planned. And if it’s not perfect, you have failed and it is All Your Fault. And if it doesn’t go as planned, then life is ruined. And if only you could be a little better, maybe all the problems in the universe would disappear. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Yeah, I’ll get right on that. Obliviousness, otherwise known as self denigration: Because perfectionists hold ourselves to such impossible standards, we often fail to notice, or give ourselves appropriate credit for, the awesome things we may accomplish. We may not notice positive character traits, and if we do, we think they’re no big deal. If we achieve something big, we focus on what we didn’t achieve yet, something we failed at, or explain why it isn’t important: Well, I’ve only made one pro sale. Well, I’ve only sold one novel. Well, I was only able to succeed at x because I failed so spectacularly at y. Well, I’m not that intelligent because I don’t have a PhD/don’t have a deep understanding of quantum mechanics/don’t speak six different languages fluently. So yes, all is not fun bright times in the perfectionism world. While perfectionism does often create driven personalities who go on to achieve great things, I think there are ways of being driven and ambitious without being quite so hard on ourselves. One of my favorite parts of The West Wing was when President Bartlett had dealt with a problem, often less than perfectly, often when there were no good solutions or easy answers. He’d always turn right around and say, “What next?” What next allows us to focus on what we can do instead of dwelling on our inability to be perfect. Any other perfectionists out there? Any strategies you use to help you work through it? Any aspects you find especially difficult? I’d love to hear from you.” https://practicalfreespirit.com/2011/11/10/but-wait-isnt-perfectionism-a-good-thing/ […]