Sometimes I want to be a sheep, happily grazing in a flock of other sheep and doing exactly what everyone else does. I don’t want to wander off on my own, I don’t want to forge my own path. I don’t want to collect data until I reach the inescapable conclusion that the traditional way isn’t my way. I want life to be easy, all in a straight line, with my only task being to connect the dots. I want to follow the rules, I want to pay my dues, I want to embrace a guaranteed path to success.
Of course, there are no sure paths. If there’s one thing life has taught me, it’s that you can never predict how it’s going to turn out or what opportunities may rise unexpectedly. It’s good to ask questions and reach your own conclusions, because what if circumstances have changed and conventional wisdom is just flat-out wrong? It’s good to take stock and figure out what will make you the happiest, even if the answer is unique and makes your friends and acquaintances shake their heads.
The sad truth is, sometimes people are judgmental. We emphasize the need to fit in during high school in YA novels and movies, and act like this social need doesn’t continue past a certain age. But does it disappear on our eighteenth birthdays? No. Life is not so simple and clear-cut as all that.
The result is, if we decide to be a free spirit, if we make nonconformist decisions or hold nontraditional ideas, we’re going to catch a certain amount of heat, whatever our age. Not only that, but we’ll be making our own road maps as we go, which can be a solitary and scary endeavor. Sometimes we’ll fail spectacularly, and our failures will be all the more visible because we were trying something unusual — something people didn’t think we should be trying, or something people assumed we couldn’t make work. Even when we do succeed, people will try to belittle what we have accomplished.
The conventional advice on this subject is that we shouldn’t care what people think, but sometimes we are going to care, no matter how hard we try to deny it. Therein lies the dark side to living a life outside the normal boundaries. It takes courage and self-respect, and sometimes it will sting in spite of ourselves. Sometimes we may weaken a little bit and wish we could be like everybody else, happily following the Pied Piper and playing it safe.
But we are not like everybody else. We cannot convince ourselves to be. It’s so much more exciting and fulfilling to question, to think, to decide what we honestly want and plot our own route to achieve it. It’s exhilarating to take risks and feel the buzzing, growing vitality of being alive and creating our own life stories. When I falter, I remind myself of how happy I am to have the power of choice, to be able to do what I love so much of the time, and to belong to a network of people who trust me to be me, no matter what choices (or even mistakes) I’m making.
What do you do when you falter? How do you stay strong in the face of judgement?
I find one of the pitfalls of being a Free Spirit is how amusing/cute my co-workers find me at times. It’s like I’m there for their amusement only and not living a life. It can get annoying.
I’m tempted, some days, to laugh amusingly at their conventional choices but I don’t. I know that no matter what path you choose or forge, living a authentic life is never easy.
Ah yes, I have the “cute” problem myself. It used to irritate me greatly, until I decided it was better than many alternatives.
I tend to think that living any kind of life isn’t easy, but being authentic is perhaps extra challenging.
I find it hard to be happy and not disappoint the people around me sometimes. Like right now, I am debating dropping out of college, but my family has supported and given me money to go. What am I suppose to do, please them or myself? At other times/choices I have had a “this is what I’m going to do an you can’t stop me” attitude. So I am on the verge of faltering.
On a lighter note, I get the “cute” thing too. I find it endearing and agree it could be worse.
It’s really difficult, isn’t it? I wish we could always please everybody with our actions, but of course that’s completely impossible. So there are some tough calls to make, and sometimes there are compromises to be found.
I feel like you had typed down the inner monologue of my mind.
Honestly, I love being a free spirit some days, or some situations, but I’ve been feeling like its a burden lately, and this reminds me that there’s no true reason for that
It can definitely be a challenge. I think sometimes it helps to spend time with like-minded people who can support us instead of hinder us.
Oh Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having this site.
I needed answers and to understand the meaning of A Free Spirit so I googled for information.
I am 58 and finally understand that I have been a free spirit all my life.
I believe that being born a free spirit is a large burden to bare.
Its complicated, fort with guilt, feelings of being misunderstood and not trusted.
I have had 2 long term relationships. both lasted 12 and half years.
The first gave me 2 beautiful children, I do enjoy that I am very maternal person and a great home maker.
I have been single for 14 years and have loved being able to enjoy life as a free spirit. LOVED IT.
I now would love to be in a loving relationship.
I do battle with myself on how to prepare myself for such a union.
On one hand I want to be in this relationship and on the other hand, how do I cope with the restrains of a relationship when feeling as though I am like a bird in a cage, ( As I felt at times in the past relationships.)
These times see me just wanting to be by myself and do my thing without restrain or answering to anyone..
This does not mean I do not love my partner.
If Lady destiny does place THE ONE in my path I can only hoped that he has an understanding of what makes a free spirit unique.
This is nice to hear. But all of my family are free spirited too and have destroyed their lives due to it. I’ve put reins on my free spirited nature because I’m afraid to do what they have done but now I’m not happy. I don’t think I can trust my free spirit to not destroy my life too. Help!
It’s a lovely post you made, and I applaud how supportive you are.
However, I think its a little difficult to accept the stance in your post (that a free spirit should be encouraged).
While your reasons are very valid, emphasizing the natural benefits of happiness it will bring etc, you have left out the most important part “What do you do when you falter? How do you stay strong in the face of judgement?”. Many of the replies you’ve gotten focus on this, the How?! part. It’s a strong factor to why your post lacks conviction.
A friend recommended me this in hope that it would improve my outview on being free-spirited. However, while your optimism is exuberantly encouraging, as an open post directed at helping people continue being ‘free spirited’, it honestly lacks much help.
Your enthusiasm throughout your wp is very cheering, I hope you take this as constructive criticism to benefit your readers, to provide practical coping mechanisms/situation solutions so that our common vision of being ‘free-spirited’ can be backed up by actions.
Thank you so much for your comment. I had more to say about your questions than would fit easily into a comment, so I wrote about your questions here: http://practicalfreespirit.com/2013/01/15/how-to-stay-strong-in-the-face-of-judgment/
[...] weekend I got a question on an old post of mine that I thought deserved a longer response. The post is on the topic of the difficulties of being a [...]
Hard to live as a free spirit. Well worth it.
I think you it the nail on the head with this article. I have always been called a free spirit. I just never took to the “label” as I hate labels. I was just called a free spirit two days ago. It has been laying heavily on my mind too. I don’t like to be tied down just to one thing. I want to experience and explore. I test my limits and others people’s limits. I do what I think is best of me even if everyone disapproves. I take the hardway in life. Making my own path has gave me hell from certain parts of my family. It feels like when I find myself, I lose the motivation and move on to something else. I have only been in one serious relationship. At first I enjoyed it. Than after a couple of months, I lost myself in the relationship. I was down, my mind wouldn’t shut off. I felt like I was stripped of my independence and freedom which I hold dear. The boyfriend was a little controlling too at times. People have been telling you are going to hell, or Jesus is the answer. WTF…does religion have to do with anything??? We are all sinners, I don’t harm others. I don’t even have a criminal record. IDK, My way of thinking is different than most people that I know and are in my life. I just feel a little lost anymore…I this current time, I am kind of tied down because of obligations because my mom passed away, I have to take care of my brother so I have been working like crazy and going to school. I am just not happy like I once was. That is why I feel lost.
Thank you for your article.